What is 'Ginslag'?

In layman's terms, a Ginslag is a cocktail, but to those connected with their inner arsonist, Ginslag is a state of mind. Many a time people have said to me "even drinking a Ginslag, I long for Ginslag". You do not 'drink' a Ginslag, you experience it, feel it's fiery tentacles reach into your soul, and set it alight.

Thursday, 9 September 2010


hyp·no·sis [hip-noh-sis]

–noun, plural

1. an aftificially induced trance state resembling sleep, characterized by a heightened susceptibility to suggestion

2. hypnotism.

Ginslag. Hypnosis. Do these words sound different? Yes. Do these words mean different things? Not really. However much a ginslag tries to explain to a 'ginuggle' what this experience, feeling, religion, lifestyle, life, means, some feeble mines cannot comprehend. Though there are those who call the methods we are about to teach you 'wrong', hypnotism is often the only way. It is not wrong, you are leading your subjects to paradise.

Communism. Ginslag. Do these words sound different? Yes. Do they mean different things? Sometimes, but when 'spreading' the word isn't enough, they often employ similar methods. Take a look at this video;

How does this make you feel? What do you think these subjects, Russian students being used in an experiment, are feeling? Their opinions are not being changed as such, but manipulated, influenced; channeled. In other words, they are being 'hypnotised'. Ginslags of the world, you can learn from this.

It is often beneficial to being conversion at an early age, the ideal time to make your intervention is during childhood. Though the minds of adults are easily twisted to your will, when working with younger subjects who both trust and fear you, there will be less of those annoying 'questions'.

Yes you did just see that. No it is not evil. It is genius. Unfortunately we here at ginslag have not found the time away from binge drinking and the abuse of hallucinogenic drugs to create a youtube video such as this, feel free to contribute your ideas in the comments section. For now hough, you can create your own (gin)Slagnosis experiences though the medium of your bodies. Dress up however you feel appropriate, or maybe don't dress at all, but put on a show, a farce, a cult of ginslagality that Stalin himself would envy - to bring those minds to the place where they belong; Ginslag.

Friday, 21 May 2010

Ginslag in polite society

The ginslag can be a winsome and wily mistress, and occasionally it is difficult to introduce her to friends or loved ones without considerable confusion, scratching of heads and gnashing of teeth. Here, however, we present you with some simple and non-threatening ideas to gently lead the ignorant sheep down the path of enlightenment and into the fiery and mysterious belly of the ginslag gorgon. Needless to say, opening minds is much easier if said minds are already gently befuddled, as such we have chosen the party scenario as the simplest for you to make your move.

At a party:
Suggest a game of "snort the spicerack"
Developed one evening by myself and Professor Malan de Mérindol after a tiresome evening in the company of dullards, this game is a great one for introducing ginslag into everyday life in a safe setting. The common or garden spicerack can be found in most suburban kitchens, bonus if the family are jamie oliver fans as there will almost certainly be smoked paprika for later rounds.

Gather willing and gently inebriated companions about the spicerack, find yourself a credit or golf club membership card and perhaps a straw (or a rolled up banknote if you must) and choose a spice. Go easy at first, cinnamon perhaps, something that won't immediately scare off the little darlings.

Divide your chosen spice into lines and snort one. Enjoy the rush of sensual pleasure and pass the straw onwards.

Work your way up through spice levels. As the heat intensifies you may see dragons and sea monsters thrashing about you but be brave. You must be the shepherd, the knight and the unicorn, valiantly leading the meek to glory.

Herbs can be tricky (rosemary. thyme and any other long leaved offenders should be thoroughly pestle and mortared) but are very worthwhile. Nutmeg, it is said, has hallucinogenic benefits. Enjoy the mood enhancing results of unexpected combinations, here I have listed a few to get you going but invent your own and see where they take you.

nutmeg + paprika = arousal
cinnamon + thyme = rage
tarragon + paprika + cumin = curiosity
celery salt + turmeric = euphoria
coriander + juniper = jollity
ginger + fennel seed = confidence
coriander + cardamom + oregano = melancholy

If your adoring crowd don't seem to be having fun, encourage the hearty drinking of gin in between each line to lubricate their minds.

The first person finishing the spicerack challenge without vomiting is crowned Queen Maude and the others become her slaves for the rest of the evening (vomiting is allowed and indeed encouraged once victory is established). A regional variant is not to explain this part until all have begun playing, and ensure your triumph by lining your nasal cavities with wax - though this is heavily frowned upon in the upper echelons, and not viewed as real dedicated ginslaggery.

On Public Transport

Full of unsuspecting potential ginslags, public transport can be an enthusiast's goldmine. The traveller's mind is in stasis, neither here nor there, and is such just aching to be gently wedged open by staples and gin.

Encourage artistic interpretation of the seating provided. The seats are there to prevent your mind from reaching its true potential. Lead by example; find new ways of using the space, dance, jig, ragamuffin, lounge, cavort. Make sure to screech loudly in order to demonstrate the joy of your liberation to fellow passengers. Jig to your inner ceilidh and you shall guide them to liberation; you, the ginslag pied piper.

My wizened darlings this leads me to a small sidenote: always have a hipflask / thermos of gin and some portable pain (staples, nails, or just your delicately manicured fists) to hand in case anyone does start dancing and needs liquid encouragement. This is true of any situation, and handy for a ginslag in a tight spot.

If you can get the driver to join in you have won and should report to The Old Mackerel gentleman's club for decoration and ginslags all round. Any naysayers should be placated with gin and/or hogtied and deposited somewhere on the way.

If all else fails, write a couple of sentences that sum up ginslag for you and make it into a music video, as these two ginslag initiates demonstrate admirably:

well quite.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Ginslag core course material; musical analysis

Get your grimy little ears around this

GINSLAG - The sound of paradise


Good luck and godspeed.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Lesson four; ginslag poetry - a nightmare of words

All true ginslags are passionate about poetry. "But ginslag's are passionate about lots of things! Fires, pain, narcotics, pagan worship...". Yes, we are passionate about those things, but poetry is not only one of those, it is something we can use to express our passion for things such as fires, pain, narcotics, and pagan worship. It is indeed, a wonderslag.

One of the first and most active members of the ginslag community, was Lewis Carroll. We advise playing only once at a time for the first go unless you are an experienced ginslagger, or it may cause serious psychosis.

I hope you enjoyed that little ones, if you went for the full slag you may have even seen the Jabberwock itself in an acid like vision, you lucky things!

Now, for some of our very own poetry, written about an enemy blog.


Rage out, liquid outrage flying at the wall.
Outrage on revulsion, omelette of disdain.
Vomitashándréa, pretentious provocation.
Carrot flotilla; sick of the words, sick on the wall.
Robe Di Kappa poster disgraced by yellow, red and green.
Omelette of disdain.
What was for dinner?
Your blog.

I hope this short poem expressed how we here at ginslag feel about dissenters, critics, and opponents of any kind; they cannot be tolerated. Though you may have not quite experienced a full ginslag today, we hope you will understand more about what ginslag is, where it comes from, and what it means.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Lesson three; ginslags of the animal kingdom

We can learn much from the animal world, notably, how to achieve ginslag when in the wilderness. This skill can come in handy when camping or indeed trekking in darkest Peru.

Conversing with felines is one of the more essential skills in the ginslag repertoire. We can learn much from them, and if a budding ginslag ever doth find themselves in a tight spot, a passing cat will gladly lend a paw.

Cats are the ginslag's natural allies, they are furry and sensuous and more importantly can lick their own genitals, which would make a neat party trick.

Study this video carefully, note the cat's motivation; intonation and raw sex appeal.

Practice these few simple phrases often, perhaps in the company of family or friends and soon you will nevermore go hungry as ramekins of delicious meow mix are flung your way by ardent admirers.

The next stop on our wizard tour of the animal kingdom is the dog.

The humble dog may at first appear simple in nature, or even stupid. This is all part of their master plan. In truth, dogs are masters of the universe's most guarded secrets and have even perfected the art of ginslag sex. Here two of the most highly respected dog professors in the world demonstrate the art of ginslag during coitus.

Note the positioning, the careful arcs and graceful waves. The gentle dismount, and prudent eating of the evidence are both hallmarks of ginslagian professionals. Facial expression is key. We can learn much from the dog, a true ginslag will never underestimate a canine chum.

Finally, if in desperate need of a ginslag at the zoo. Turn to the primate community for instant relief.

Good luck and godspeed.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Lesson Two: we teach you to audiovisually experience a ginslag, for those too busy or intoxicated to drink

We live in modern times, but nobody seems to have actual time any more; be that time for pagan worship, time for making real dinners, or time to mix a ginslag and arrange for a friend to take them to A&E afterwards.

How can we just sit in our ivory towers and judge people for this? It is time to ajust to modernity and learn how to make a ginslag without any pshysical substances or emergency medical treatment needed.

A 'Dry' Ginslag

You Will Need
The screams of 1 stranger
4 indecent exposures
A small fire (some tissues covered in olive oil in a bowl will do)
This video, opened in 4 different windows at the same time

To strip naked

Place a stranger on your sofa facing the centre of the room, and tie them around the hands and ankles. When they are in position, stand in the centre of the room and begin. The first exposure must come from behind, so you must show your bottom. For the second, shake violently until an offensive body part is revealed. For the third and fourth exposures start a small fire, and the fumes will guide you. By now your stranger should be screaming heartily.

It is now time to open Eduard Khil in four different windows. When this happens, if you are not already naked following the exposures, strip fully. You may see the devil at exactly 1.09 seconds into the video, if this happens you are doing things right. Spend the next few hours in a frenzy, fuelled by the screams of your chosen stranger. When you begin to hear screams other than those of your stranger, well done, you have just had your first dry ginslag experience.

I hope this will guide busy people along the ginslag's trusty path.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Lesson one: in which we learn how to mix a ginslag and why the Ukraine is much better than anywhere else

Hello chums

What, you may well be asking yourselves, is a ginslag?

Well my dears it is an ancient and mysterious recipe, passed down and perfected in our family for generations.

A ginslag is a cocktail, a cocktail of dreams.

A ginslag will take you to places you may not perhaps have wanted to go to, but will enjoy because of its special magical influence.

A ginslag will get you into the beds of the worlds most beautiful people, and then out again before they come home to find you.

A ginslag will take you on the most marvellous of adventures in your own living room, naked, in front of your assembled loved-ones.

A cocktail to remember, a cocktail to share, a cocktail to change lives.

Serves 1

You Will Need
Gin, 1 pint
A Glass
Pain, some

Pour all the gin into the glass, ice can be added before, but only by heathens. The technique for adding the pain varies but below I have listed the classics. Find what works for you and stick to it, once a ginslag, always a ginslag.

"El Classico"
Smash the full glass onto your head and allow the scratched skin to absorb the gin.

"Ginslag on the rocks"
Grasp your glass firmly and have a friend push you onto some nearby rocks. The jolt will release the gin from its vessel, you will invariably find a custom ergonomic seating position and the liquid will fly from glass to liver without the unnecessary hassle of drinking.

"Office Special"
A good one for enjoying a cheeky ginslag in the workplace. Pick all the staples out of any nearby documentation, the rustier the better as far as connoisseurs are concerned. Sprinkle liberally over the ginslag, enjoy the gentle way they exfoliate the inside of your throat, thus allowing the gin to enter your bloodstream (and you to enter A&E) more swiftly.

To wash that down here is some joy from the Ukraine.

As you can see, the song takes on new layers of meaning and soul when sung by four men who look quite a lot like chaps from the local council, playing in what might well be the lobby of holiday inn and forgetting some of the words. This version actually makes me want to dance, as opposed to projectile vomit. The vacuous "look at me I own a rhyming dictionary" lyrics become the richest and most sensual poetry in these men's mouths.

Why aren't they much, much more rich and famous than Katy Perry?

Well done Ukraine.
Have a Ginslag.