Lesson four; ginslag poetry - a nightmare of words

All true ginslags are passionate about poetry. "But ginslag's are passionate about lots of things! Fires, pain, narcotics, pagan worship...". Yes, we are passionate about those things, but poetry is not only one of those, it is something we can use to express our passion for things such as fires, pain, narcotics, and pagan worship. It is indeed, a wonderslag.

One of the first and most active members of the ginslag community, was Lewis Carroll. We advise playing only once at a time for the first go unless you are an experienced ginslagger, or it may cause serious psychosis.

I hope you enjoyed that little ones, if you went for the full slag you may have even seen the Jabberwock itself in an acid like vision, you lucky things!

Now, for some of our very own poetry, written about an enemy blog.

Vomelette.

Rage out, liquid outrage flying at the wall.

Outrage on revulsion, omelette of disdain.

Vomitashándréa, pretentious provocation.

Carrot flotilla; sick of the words, sick on the wall.

Robe Di Kappa poster disgraced by yellow, red and green.

Omelette of disdain.

What was for dinner?

Your blog.

I hope this short poem expressed how we here at ginslag feel about dissenters, critics, and opponents of any kind; they cannot be tolerated. Though you may have not quite experienced a full ginslag today, we hope you will understand more about what ginslag is, where it comes from, and what it means.

Lesson three; ginslags of the animal kingdom

We can learn much from the animal world, notably, how to achieve ginslag when in the wilderness. This skill can come in handy when camping or indeed trekking in darkest Peru.

Conversing with felines is one of the more essential skills in the ginslag repertoire. We can learn much from them, and if a budding ginslag ever doth find themselves in a tight spot, a passing cat will gladly lend a paw.

Cats are the ginslag's natural allies, they are furry and sensuous and more importantly can lick their own genitals, which would make a neat party trick.

Study this video carefully, note the cat's motivation; intonation and raw sex appeal.



Practice these few simple phrases often, perhaps in the company of family or friends and soon you will nevermore go hungry as ramekins of delicious meow mix are flung your way by ardent admirers.

The next stop on our wizard tour of the animal kingdom is the dog.

The humble dog may at first appear simple in nature, or even stupid. This is all part of their master plan. In truth, dogs are masters of the universe's most guarded secrets and have even perfected the art of ginslag sex. Here two of the most highly respected dog professors in the world demonstrate the art of ginslag during coitus.



Note the positioning, the careful arcs and graceful waves. The gentle dismount, and prudent eating of the evidence are both hallmarks of ginslagian professionals. Facial expression is key. We can learn much from the dog, a true ginslag will never underestimate a canine chum.

Finally, if in desperate need of a ginslag at the zoo. Turn to the primate community for instant relief.



Good luck and godspeed.

Lesson Two: we teach you to audiovisually experience a ginslag, for those too busy or intoxicated to drink

We live in modern times, but nobody seems to have actual time any more; be that time for pagan worship, time for making real dinners, or time to mix a ginslag and arrange for a friend to take them to A&E afterwards.

How can we just sit in our ivory towers and judge people for this? It is time to ajust to modernity and learn how to make a ginslag without any pshysical substances or emergency medical treatment needed.

A 'Dry' Ginslag

You Will Need
The screams of 1 stranger
4 indecent exposures
A small fire (some tissues covered in olive oil in a bowl will do)
This video, opened in 4 different windows at the same time

To strip naked

Instructions
Place a stranger on your sofa facing the centre of the room, and tie them around the hands and ankles. When they are in position, stand in the centre of the room and begin. The first exposure must come from behind, so you must show your bottom. For the second, shake violently until an offensive body part is revealed. For the third and fourth exposures start a small fire, and the fumes will guide you. By now your stranger should be screaming heartily.

It is now time to open Eduard Khil in four different windows. When this happens, if you are not already naked following the exposures, strip fully. You may see the devil at exactly 1.09 seconds into the video, if this happens you are doing things right. Spend the next few hours in a frenzy, fuelled by the screams of your chosen stranger. When you begin to hear screams other than those of your stranger, well done, you have just had your first dry ginslag experience.

I hope this will guide busy people along the ginslag's trusty path.

Lesson one: in which we learn how to mix a ginslag and why the Ukraine is much better than anywhere else

Hello chums

What, you may well be asking yourselves, is a ginslag?

Well my dears it is an ancient and mysterious recipe, passed down and perfected in our family for generations.

A ginslag is a cocktail, a cocktail of dreams.

A ginslag will take you to places you may not perhaps have wanted to go to, but will enjoy because of its special magical influence.

A ginslag will get you into the beds of the worlds most beautiful people, and then out again before they come home to find you.

A ginslag will take you on the most marvellous of adventures in your own living room, naked, in front of your assembled loved-ones.

A cocktail to remember, a cocktail to share, a cocktail to change lives.

RECIPE: GINSLAG
Serves 1

You Will Need
Gin, 1 pint
A Glass
Pain, some

Pour all the gin into the glass, ice can be added before, but only by heathens. The technique for adding the pain varies but below I have listed the classics. Find what works for you and stick to it, once a ginslag, always a ginslag.

"El Classico"
Smash the full glass onto your head and allow the scratched skin to absorb the gin.

"Ginslag on the rocks"
Grasp your glass firmly and have a friend push you onto some nearby rocks. The jolt will release the gin from its vessel, you will invariably find a custom ergonomic seating position and the liquid will fly from glass to liver without the unnecessary hassle of drinking.

"Office Special"
A good one for enjoying a cheeky ginslag in the workplace. Pick all the staples out of any nearby documentation, the rustier the better as far as connoisseurs are concerned. Sprinkle liberally over the ginslag, enjoy the gentle way they exfoliate the inside of your throat, thus allowing the gin to enter your bloodstream (and you to enter A&E) more swiftly.

To wash that down here is some joy from the Ukraine.



As you can see, the song takes on new layers of meaning and soul when sung by four men who look quite a lot like chaps from the local council, playing in what might well be the lobby of holiday inn and forgetting some of the words. This version actually makes me want to dance, as opposed to projectile vomit. The vacuous "look at me I own a rhyming dictionary" lyrics become the richest and most sensual poetry in these men's mouths.

Why aren't they much, much more rich and famous than Katy Perry?

Well done Ukraine.
Have a Ginslag.